What if you started to simply do all the little things that make you happy? You will find that surprisingly, I you'll still have time for your work and all those pesky "to-do's". When you established a routine that fulfills you in a simple and profound way, it will bring joy because you will be starting each day with your own happiness in mind. Live your mornings on purpose. The real secret? You are your purpose.
Here are some ideas of the little things that can help you make a meaningful start to your day;
- Take a drive and listen to your 3 favorite songs
- Start the day with Jay Noland on Your First 5
- Listen to a motivational speech
- Lay in bed for 5 minutes before you get up and list the things you are most grateful for
- Write about the best things that have happened this week in your journal
- Call a friend
- Take 15 minutes and spend it building a new hobby or skill
You will begin to notice that all of the little things you used to put off for the so called "important big stuff", are actually what end up making those big tasks bearable. Your morning routine, in any order, filled with all the things you love, will make you far more willing and able to handle situations that you may have previously labeled "stressful" or "hard".
"There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important thing. It’s not a matter of time; it’s a matter of desire." – Nina Yau
When you make time for yourself and the things that fill you up, you will never go to bed feeling exhausted or overwhelmed. In fact, you'll fall asleep excited that you get to wake up and do it all over again. The way you start your day determines not only how you will feel for the rest of that day, but it will also influence how you begin, and how you feel the following day. Putting a flexible routine in place has a compounding effect. The more you live your life on purpose, the more you make yourself your purpose, and the more you do the simple things that fill you up, the more joy, excitement, fulfillment, and peace you will feel and experience day- to- day.
"Working hard and working smart sometimes can be two different things." – Byron Dorgan
It is the things you choose to do with your day that determine your experience. I think that sometimes we get discouraged thinking a morning routine has to look a certain way, and that there are things we are "supposed to" include. We get caught up thinking we have to spend an hour reading for it to be worth it, or that we have to exercise first thing to get our day started. Instead of letting other people's established routines dictate and determine how you structure your own, allow yourself the flexibility to build the morning that works for you. This is how you will find joy, fulfillment, and success in your mornings.
You are your purpose. Every morning, start with the things you love most.
For morning routine resources check out the links below:
There was a man who failed in his personal business at the age of 21. He was defeated in a legislative race at age 22, and failed again in business at 24. His sweetheart died when he was 26, which caused a mental breakdown by the time he turned 27. He went on to lose a congressional race at age 34, and another senatorial race at age 45. He failed in an effort to become vice-president at age 47 and lost yet another a senatorial race at age 49.
This same man was elected president of the United States at age 52.
This is a brief timeline of the life of Abraham Lincoln. Would you dare call him a failure? His story exemplifies perseverance in a very real way. Persistence is not demonstrated during the easy days of life. It is demonstrated and mastered through failure after failure. The trick that must be learned is that these failures, through persistence towards success and achievement, are but temporary defeat.
"I am not concerned that you have fallen, I am concerned that you arise." -Abraham Lincoln
Lincoln had ample opportunity and legitimate reason to feel discouraged and thus, quit. Rather than submit to defeat, he rose again and again, using each failure as fuel to press on once more. In our quest for success, we must demonstrate the same amount of resilience if we are to earn our ultimate joy and achievement.
It is easy to think that those who achieve success have some sort of gift, natural ability, or advantage. This is untrue. The thing that these people possess is the ability to press on through the worst of things, coming out the other side to say, "again."
Napoleon Hill talks about the times when people quit they are usually 3 feet from gold. This is true in every sense of the idea because it is the perseverance through the darkest hour that one is able to see and experience the dawn.
It is also through failure and perseverance through that failure where we learn the most meaningful lessons. We learn the most about ourselves, about our business, about other people, and about the world around us when things go wrong. We learn even more when we respond to those moments with patience and humility. Perseverance does not mean that we must extend efforts beyond our capacity, it simply means we must do all that is within our power to keep going.
"I shall not do more than I can, I shall do all that I can." -Abraham Lincoln
Our hope for you is that whatever your quest to greatness may be, building a business, a family, or a rocking' body, that you maintain your actions towards that goal with positivity and perseverance until you succeed. There is so much to be learned from Lincoln's attitude in his words addressing the nation,
"I expect to maintain this contest until successful, or until I die, or am conquered, or my term expires, or until congress or the country forsake me."
Imagine feeling so impassioned and determined to succeed that it would take nothing short of death to stop you. This is the kind of attitude that earns success. It is the people who give their life to their cause, that end up fulfilling true, definite purpose.
This is who we are training YOU to be.
You are the ones who will change the world.
Unlock the principle and power to persevere in Jay Noland's new Think and Grow Rich course as he directs the teachings of Dr. Napoleon Hill, line by line along with you.
Build true and lasting strength to persevere through everything life throws your way with StrongXP
Let's talk about food. It may seem like a weird topic for a success and lifestyle blog. Let me explain why it affects everything you do.
We tend to forget that food is just food. It is not inherently good or bad. Our judgements make it that way and our bodies respond to food based on those judgements and beliefs just like your bank account responds to your judgements and beliefs about money.
Our bodies are all so different. What's healthy for your body may be a little different than what's healthy for mine. What if we took the time to tune in and ask our own bodies what food they actually like and desire? Let's erase the giant lists of food that we have categorized as good or bad.
Rather than worry about every chemical reaction that happens when certain foods are processed in our bodies, let's learn to eat and fuel ourselves intuitively. Our bodies are smart. They won't work against us, so let's stop trying to work independently from them instead of side by side with them.
This is not an invitation to go 100mph every day on fried mac and cheese balls, but it is an invitation to recognize that eating them isn't a bad thing (sometimes it can be a very good thing) and doesn't have to create guilt or shame. Does food have an effect on our physical bodies? Of course it does. I'm just betting it would have a more positive effect, most of the time, no matter the food, if our mentality towards it was a little more kind, a little more gentle, a little more simple.
"Normal eating is going to the table hungry and eating until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it- not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to give some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad, or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is mostly three meals a day, or four, or five, or it can be choosing to munch along the way. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful. Normal eating is over eating at times, feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. And it can be under eating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life. In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your hunger, your schedule, your proximity to food and your feelings." -Ellyn Satter
We have compiled so many opinions, points of view, perspectives, attitudes, beliefs, and judgments based around being "healthy" that I don't think any of us actually know what it means anymore. We've made exercise, nutrition, and healthy eating so complicated and it's because we've labeled things "bad". Let's get back to the basics. Let's learn to move and eat simply and intuitively. Let's give our bodies the love they deserve.
Be ready for the upcoming launch of SUCCESS BY HEALTH!
We will be bringing you all the tools to live healthy in the most simple, sustainable way! HEALTH, THE REAL WAY.
What if you knew that everything in life was rigged in your favor?
I'll bet you'd trust yourself.
I'll bet you'd be less cautious.
I'll bet you'd be more brave.
"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't- you're right." -Henry Ford
I'm learning that the odds are better than we think. When taking a risk we are often met with the opposition;
"what about the consequences?"
"is this realistic?"
What if we simply change our attitude during risk- taking and decision making from, "what could go wrong?" to, "this will go right".
What if after every risk we take, every decision we make, we over estimate the probability of things going RIGHT?
What if from now on, after every risk we take we trust ourselves enough to not exaggerate the aftermath of the action? Let's not underestimate our own ability to handle the consequences of risk. I want us to make the jump knowing, that the cost of INACTION is far greater.
Why taking risks improves our lives
Risk- taking is the quickest way to learn. About yourself, about what you want, and why you want it. By being willing to take a big risk, I have learned that uncertainty is not a lack of strength, but the place you find it.
Risk- taking is the quickest way to overcome fear of failure.
When we are willing to take risks, and when we commit to our decisions we can wake up every day with new possibilities in front of us. Every day you are able to overcome the fear of failure because of your willingness to fail. Risk- taking is the willingness to fail and it will always bring about unforeseen opportunities. When we are open to the uncertain, possibilities find us that our eyes would otherwise be closed to. After experiencing and understanding that, I have nothing to be afraid of.
Risk- taking is admitting you trust yourself. What a simple gift. I don't care what you put on the line, if you trust you, it will go RIGHT. Trusting yourself is rigging life in your favor. The odds are better than you think, because you control them.
If your the one who chooses to jump, aren't you also the one who can choose to fly?
Gain more confidence in risk taking by joining us on the Million Dollar Energy virtual training!
Enthusiasm is an essential part of any successful person's life and business. The ability to feel and express enthusiasm is transforming. It takes you from ordinary and forgettable to compelling and memorable.
The truth is, it is way cooler to be excited, about everything, than it is to act bored. Here's why;
Enthusiasm inspires & motivates
Enthusiasm is probably one of the most attractive qualities in a person. It makes all interaction more fun and relationships more fulfilling. With enthusiasm you can fulfill more of your potential in any situation or experience.
"People will always be more impressed by the height of your enthusiasm than the depth of your knowledge." -Jay Noland
Enthusiasm creates confidence
Jay Noland always tells us that "success doesn't care how you feel". He's right. When we show enthusiasm for a subject or a task, no matter what- we automatically act as if we are capable. When we act as if, we begin to believe. Belief is the root of true confidence which is the most important thing to build as a person, and it can all start from simple enthusiasm.
"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Enthusiasm supports passion
Be sincere in your enthusiasm (think Jay in front of a room at a bootcamp training). There is a difference between enthusiasm and excitement. Excitement can come from adrenaline (like what you get from riding a roller coaster), or a nervous sort of energy that suggests a lack of confidence. Enthusiasm, on the other hand, is a sincere drive and passion- one that you can share with other people, one that lasts long after you leave the room. It doesn’t matter how convincing your argument is if you aren’t passionate about it and you'll never communicate that passion without some level of sincere enthusiasm.
"Enthusiasm is not the same as just being excited. One gets excited about going on a roller coaster. One becomes enthusiastic about creating and building a roller coaster." -Bo Bennett
Enthusiasm sparks creativity
When you show enthusiasm for something it quite literally raises your vibration. It changes the energy of the room and puts you in a state where you cannot only think more clearly, but more creatively. It will help you solve problems, come up with new ideas, and turn simple things into the extraordinary.
"In the realm of ideas everything depends on enthusiasm. In the real world all rests on perseverance." -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Enthusiasm is infectious
Have you ever noticed how the greatest leaders throughout history communicate? Martin Luther King Jr., Franklin Roosevelt, Ronald Reagan, Nelson Mandela, Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, and many more, exude real, raw, enthusiasm. No matter the cause, people were infected by their message. They were captivated, inspired, and moved.
"Enthusiasm is the greatest asset you can possess, for it can take you further than money, power, or influence." -Dada Vaswani
Enthusiasm gets things done
Enthusiasm is the switch. With enthusiasm things get done and they often get done better and more easily than if you were to muster up the will to do them in a forced, "I'm supposed to" way.
"There is real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishment." -Norman Vincent Peale
Real enthusiasm is a state of being. It comes from the center of your being. You will feel it and express it in your own unique way and so will everybody else. That’s what makes it so powerful. By recognizing and cultivating your own personal expression of enthusiasm, you raise yourself above the crowd. You become a confident, passionate, creative person who gets things done. You are compelling, someone that people enjoy, admire and remember.
Looking to increase your level of enthusiasm in every aspect of life? Check out the Million Dollar Energy live, interactive, virtual training with one of the most enthusiastic people on the planet, Jay Noland.
What do long lines, weight loss, and babysitting all have in common?
Okay, yeah maybe they cause stress, or they're situations we don't really like to be in-- but the real answer is, they're all situations where we could use a little extra patience.
By now culturally, we are all very used to getting what we want immediately. Everything is at our fingertips; information, people's attention, music, you name it- we can have it and we can have it now.
Not only does this cause distraction, it lowers our ability and our willingness to wait dramatically. Without ever realizing it, we busy ourselves with downloads, text messages, and memes. We stream live video so we don't have to drive all the way to the theatre, we online shop so that things are shipped directly to our door, and we can even have the airline call us back if the wait time is too long.
The most successful people in the world will tell you that if we all paid more attention to practicing not only the virtue, but the art of patience- we'd be a lot better off.
Lucky for you, I'm not going to make you wait any longer for this, here are 5 ways to cultivate patience daily;
1.) Practice gratitude
Research shows that being consciously grateful makes us happier, less stressed, and even more optimistic. It can also slow us down long enough to smell the roses.
"To be content doesn't mean that you desire more, it means you're grateful for what you have and patient for what's to come." -Tony Gaskins
2.) Be mindful
Mental "to-do lists" are like traffic jams in our brains. When we are so occupied with "what we have to do" we become extremely intolerant of anything that gets in the way of that. We are constantly being interrupted by kids, emails, texts, phone calls, tweets, Facebook lives, Instagram DM's, and Tinder date requests that we rarely slow down enough to identify what is making us feel so rushed. Multi tasking has become the norm- but it is also what creates the state of "hurry" we seem to live in day- to- day. Being mindful and aware of your thoughts and feelings can help you identify what is really important, and which of those notifications are really worth checking.
"Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgement." -John Kabat Zin
3.) Delay gratification
Not having to wait feels good. Really good. However, recent studies show that waiting longer for things actually make us happier in the long run. It makes sense if you think about it in terms of your favorite holiday, your birthday, or any other special occasion that is only celebrated at a certain time. The waiting for it, and the rarity of it, is what makes it so enjoyable. I bet that if we experimented with this, and made ourselves wait an extra 30 minutes after dinner before eating a brownie, or saved our favorite TV shows for the weekend to watch with our families- we would increase our ability to apply it in more irritating situations.
"The obsession with instant gratification blinds us from our long term potential." -Michale Dooley
4.) Lean into discomfort
Discomfort is a catalyst for growth. Think about it. We are never more alive than when we are striving for change, pushing our own limits. I think we all naturally side- step discomfort. What if choosing it is actually the way to overcome the feeling?
Here's another way to think about it. I bet you have a really comfortable bed. I bet you love your bed. There are probably days where you don't leave your bed unless you have to pee. But I'll also bet that if you do this for too many days in a row, or too often at all, it's not actually enjoyable. Great things happen when we leave the comfort of our beds, so let's slip into something a little more uncomfortable.
"Nobody has ever died from discomfort, yet living in the name of comfort has killed more ideas, more opportunities, more actions, and more growth than everything else combined. Comfort kills!" -T. Harv Eker
I mean this one quite literally. Stop and actually breath. Pay attention to your body as you breath and you'll probably learn how often you ignore your body's ability to slow you down. Interestingly enough, your breath sets the pace for your mind and when done consciously, it keeps you in the present moment better than almost anything else. Breath consciously as you work, as you speak, and as you think. It will set a pace that allows you to have clearer thoughts and make better choices.
"When you own your breath, no one can steal your peace."
Patience is not only the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting. To expand more in this area of your life, check out Your First 5; a 3-5 minute video to help set the pace of your day. You can have a good day, every day, no matter what and it all starts here.
You are a super hero.
You are the only you there is and you matter. The world is different because you are here. You have gifts and abilities, things you are able to do, value you are able to provide in a way that no one else can.
That makes you a super hero.
What is your power?
What is your purpose?
Pause for a second- want to know something cool? All the hardest things you've been through are going to help make this really clear. The miracle is in the mess. Your power is in your mess. If you think about everything you have survived up until today; how you have handled grief, loss, tragedy, and hardship-- you will be given a unique perspective on how to answer the following questions.
What is your super power?
How do you save the world?
Answering these questions will help you name your purpose in life.
Purpose drives action >>
Action precedes production >>
Production provides value >>
And creating value allows you to live a life of abundance.
Naming your purpose is the equivalent of naming your truth, and at the risk of sounding cliché, “the truth will set you free.” It is a liberating experience to name your purpose. Talk about feeling whole and complete.
"...to help others embrace risks so that they can overcome their fears of risk, which will allow them to do more and become who they really want to be." -Jay Noland
It will allow you to experience infinite love, every action will be influenced by it, it will be the most important discovery of your life. You get to create your own identity. Your kindergarten teacher was right. You can be whoever you want to be. When you know who you are, doing becomes a lot easier. What you do is based on your identity, not your capability.
NO ONE IS YOU AND THAT IS YOUR POWER. -DAVE GROHL
Who are you? What makes you uniquely you? Yeah, there is stuff in your life that has happened, but it doesn’t define you. What does? The sooner you know the answer to that, the sooner you can start taking over or saving the world- whichever you prefer.
Own and be who you are- every messy part of you. Own your experiences and your unique genius. Show up. The world needs you.
THERE IS A SUPERHERO INSIDE ALL OF US. WE JUST NEED THE COURAGE TO PUT ON THE CAPE.
Find your Superhero tools at: www.SuccessByCoaching.com
We have been on high RED ALERT after Jay Noland's RED event in Las Vegas this last month. Turns out, when he heats up a crowd, there's no simmering down. The speakers exuded so much passion, the entire room left changed.
Passion is energy that moves. It keeps us filled with meaning, and happiness, and excitement. It is a powerful force and it is contagious. Every now and then we are lucky enough to meet a person whose flame is so RED hot that it reignites our own (thanks, Jay).
"When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn."
— John Wesley
Ultimately, passion is the driving force behind success and happiness. Whether the RED attendees know it or not, the greatest thing they took away was passion. The speakers gave everything they had and no one went home empty handed. Here's what we learned about passion, this is what it means to bleed RED.
"The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire."
— Ferdinand Foch
1.) PASSION is not a hobby or a dream
Doing something you love at a moderate level is a hobby. When you go all out with it to the point that someone deems you a step short of crazy... that's passion. One person working with passion is better than a team of 40 who are merely interested.
2.) PASSION causes real joy.
When we find and begin to work with passion, it feeds us endless amounts of enthusiasm. It is an unlimited source of joy because passion comes from within. When we put a piece of ourselves into our work, it can only bring pure and lasting joy.
3.) PASSION will weather any storm.
Late nights, calloused hands, early mornings, tired feet, weekends locked away, sore bodies. You name it and the passionate have felt it... and they'll do it again tomorrow no matter the forecast.
4.) PASSION is an investment.
How much of you can you put inside your passion? Imagine what would happen if you gave it everything?
5.) PASSION will geek you out.
Isn't it interesting that our passions take us back to the classroom? You learn all you can about the subject. It's always about improvement.
6.) PASSION is raw.
Talk about cultivating authenticity. You can never fake passion.
7.) PASSION knows no limits.
This is why people like Jay encourage you to chase your dreams and lean into your passions. It's because that is the only place where you will learn that you have no limits-- because passion knows no limit.
The world likes to talk about passion as if it's a luxury- something you are either born with or that you magically discover. What we learned at RED is that passion is an ATTITUDE and it can be cultivated, harnessed, and practiced.
It can bleed out of you and into everything you do.
That's what it means to bleed RED.
To experience the PASSION of RED,
Join us for RED 2018!
There is only one real way to learn, and that is by DOING. The side effects? We blunder through life; knocking into things, bumping around, and falling down, seemingly all the time. The good news is, we aren't in this alone. Think about every major accomplishment in your life and I bet they can be traced back to someone who encouraged you, believed in you, and told you to "go for it." I'll bet they can be traced back to a mentor.
“One of the greatest values of mentors is the ability to see ahead what others cannot see and to help them navigate a course to their destination.” — John C. Maxwell
We never have to do anything alone. Not really. The older we get and the more we accomplish, it becomes easier to recognize what an important role the people around us play in our lives.
“Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction.” — John Crosby
Most people aren't actively looking for a mentor, and if they are, the real trick is finding a person who will give you the direction, guidance, and love that you need, even if it's not what you were originally looking for. The real power of mentors and leaders comes from their ability to allow others to make their own mistakes while keeping them under their wing.
It is a mentor's willingness to guide and protect, but also allow for error. Bailie and I have been blessed to find this in Jay. As we have pursued goals and dreams of our own, he has given guidance and warning, all while allowing for us to make our final choices. It is true love to let someone learn what you already know is the "hard way." It is also true patience to allow someone to follow their heart when you see things they can't.
“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.” — Steven Spielberg
The love and support we have experienced while working with Jay is insurmountable. He has not only encouraged us to chase our dreams, but he has allowed us to grow along side him, under his care, as he continues to chase and achieve his. In doing this, he has helped us to maximize our personal strengths in both our personal and professional lives. He has shared the most meaningful parts of himself which helped to build a love and trust that we feel lucky to have so early on.
“The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.” — Benjamin Disraeli
We have experienced mentorship in a very real way, because our mentor understood that there was a process of learning that we had to go through. Among all the things I have learned, I now know this; we don't do anything alone, and when we find the right people who will lead by example and love us through our process, we are unstoppable. All we have to do is stop, look, and listen.
“Show me a successful individual and I’ll show you someone who had real positive influences in his or her life. I don’t care what you do for a living—if you do it well I’m sure there was someone cheering you on or showing the way. A mentor.” — Denzel Washington
Lessons we have learned from our mentor:
- Working keeps you young.
- Don’t ask permission. If you believe in something, do it. And if it doesn’t work out, you learned.
- Don’t complain. It accomplishes nothing and wastes time.
- If people want to go. Let them. And wish them well.
- Love people.
- Know yourself. Self-awareness is the start of personal growth and is essential to your success.
- Hard things will always remain hard. Things don’t get easier by putting them off. Do the hard things first, whether or not you feel like it.
- Ask questions. The world belongs to the curious.
- Fail a lot. Just don’t give up. Failure is merely a different word for learning. No need to get emotional about it.
- Pay attention. Mentors know what they know for a reason.
How do you do things?
Sometimes I cut corners on what seems like small things. I'll make my bed but I won't tuck the sheets all the way in. I'll sweep the floors but I won't move the chairs to get all they way underneath.
Do you ever complete 80% of a task and then stop when you think it's "good enough"? What we don't immediately realize, is that by cutting corners on the small things and not doing them to the best of our ability, we develop a habit of laziness and mediocrity.
We develop a HABIT of laziness and mediocrity.
The danger of this habit is that you get used to the idea that doing most of something is okay and then that mentality crosses over into the things that really matter. You'll wonder why success eludes you, but the answer is in your process. If you do one thing lazily, you'll do everything lazily.
"Your breakthrough is in the acceptance of the process. You must pay the price. There are no shortcuts here." -Jay Noland
How you do one thing is how you do ALL things.
Think about the state of your car, your home, your wallet, the quality of your relationships...
How do you perform at work? What are you friendships like? How to you approach a challenge?
Are you late on deadlines? Do you not pay close attention to detail? Chances are that these characteristics can be seen in your personal life and relationships as well.
It's time to bring some order into your world. If your personal space is messy, your personal life will feel messy. If your wallet is a mess- your finances will be too.
How you handle and manage any situation, challenge, or experience is probably how you will handle all of them.
Let's set a new standard today.
When you do the laundry, fold and put the clothes all the way away. When you set a goal, be accountable and take action daily. Pay attention to how you do the small things. Because they will train and determine how you do the big things.
Let's be finishers in everything we do.
What we believe about ourselves is arguably the most crucial aspect of our personal wellbeing. Confidence is internal, so why do we fight an external battle? We waste years of our lives caught up in what the world thinks about what we should be believing, saying, and doing. We allow our confidence to be put up for auction- going to the highest bidder, or whoever's opinion we allow to matter most. Confidence is not something to be won or lost. It is something to be guarded and developed.
If we allow our confidence to be dependent upon someone else, slowly but surely, we will lose it. Confidence is not wishful thinking, and though it may come more naturally to some, it is a learned trait. When we develop confidence as something that is solely our own it becomes a skill that we can leverage in our daily lives.
Start things and get the hard things done first. Spend your day saying, "next!"
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS.
Have your own back and get back to back with your people.
Don't take on unnecessary work or stress. "No." can be a polite and full sentence.
Recognize and don't hesitate to seize opportunities.
ACTIVELY OVERCOME FEAR.
Fear and danger are very different things. Avoid danger. Push past fear.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
"I am the greatest. I said that even before I knew I was." -Muhammad Ali
SET THE BAR HIGH.
"The greater danger for most of us lies not it setting our aim to high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark." -Michelangelo
STRETCH YOUR LIMITS.
When you learn to set your own limits, you'll learn that there's no such thing.
It is the simplest, most effective way to learn and improve.
DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE WRONG.
Confidence doesn't come from being right, it comes from being willing to go for it. Even if you don't feel ready.
STICK YOUR NECK OUT.
Risk- taking is the quickest way to overcome fear of inadequacy- which is the #1 confidence killer.
Cheer for others. There's more than enough to go around.
DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP.
The ability to ask for help is a strength. It is the humblest way of saying, "I know I can do more with you than I can alone."
MONITOR SELF TALK.
"What you are thinking about you are becoming." -Muhammad Ali
Everything around you- the people in your life, the music you listen to, the clothes you wear, the furniture in your home, is either making you better or making you worse. There is no neutral.
GO TO HOLLYWOOD.
Go get some lipstick, throw a pair of shades on, and handle your business like a boss whether you want to or not. Sometimes confidence will feel like a performance and that's okay.
Laugh freely. Life is lighter than we make it.
It is gratitude that brings about both immediate and lasting joy.
DON'T PASS JUDGEMENT.
When you think or speak negatively of another, it is only a reflection of internal personal struggle. Mind your own, handle your own.
LISTEN MORE THAN YOU SPEAK.
"You learn when you listen, you earn when you listen. Not just money, but respect." - Harvey Mackay
OWN YOUR SUCCESS.
High achievers earn entitlement. Entitlement by definition is having the right to something. Realize that you have the right to your success. Success is earned. You'll know when you've earned it. Don't be shy in taking what you deserve.
BELIEVE IN WINNING.
Believe in success. More importantly, believe in your own.
"The fastest route between two points is a straight line. Confidence is your straight line. The more you have, the faster you get to where you want to be." -Jay Noland
Success has one enemy- your belief system. If you study successful people you'll notice they share a specific set of beliefs.
These are the seven deadly sins that alone or together, will destroy the mindset necessary to accomplish and achieve any desired result.
1.) Backtracking: continuing to do things that don't work
We complain about tight muscles, but never stretch after workouts.
We complain about gaining weight, but diet coke is a necessity.
- We complain about our bank accounts, but refuse to change both our spending and our earning habits.
- We complain about our relationships, but figure the problem has less to do with ourselves and more to do with.. well, just about anyone else.
We complain about how things are, and then make no adjustment to how we think, speak, and act. It's insane. Stop for a minute. What is actually working in your life? And what really isn't? It's not hard to identify.
Let's do more of what's working and stop the rest.
2.) Pretending: being someone you're not
We've all worn some type of mask. Bottom line- we do it to impress and please others. The reality is, we live in a world where we are surrounded by other people's opinions. When we allow what other people think to dictate any part of our personal lives- we lose our personal power. It's ironic that in our attempts to "save face" we lose our real ability to save ourselves. The longer you wear any kind of mask, the tighter it gets, and the harder it is to take off. Sometimes we wear them so long, we suffocate. Why would we rather die for the sake of what others think, than live for the sake of what we think?
3.) Forcing: trying to change or convince other people
No matter how close you are to someone, no matter how good you are at reading people, forcing someone along is wasted energy. Jay has taught this in a very impactful way. When he trains, he is there to inspire, not to convince. He facilitates change, never forces it.
4.) Pleasing: trying to please everyone
This will kill your momentum every time. Successful people worry about pleasing the RIGHT people, not ALL the people. In this life there will be people who flat out do not like you. Want to know a secret? None of that has anything to do with you.
You are not for everyone. Your methods are not for everyone. Your business is not for everyone. The sooner you realize that that is okay- the more pleased YOU will be.
5.) Instantly Gratifying: being impatient
Jay reminds me all the time that success will meet me once I've "paid my price".
Anytime you feel frustrated and impatient ask, "am I paying my price?"
6.) Small Thinking: imposing limits on yourself
You decide what you're capable of. Our process is quite literally as easy or as hard as we decide to make it. The sad thing is, most of us have decided that both change and success are so hard that we stunt our own growth. Where there is always a price to be paid, we choose whether or not to enjoy the journey.
Get out of your own way.
You're killing you.
7.) Flaking: not doing what you say you'll do
I've asked a handful of Jay's friends and colleagues their #1 piece of advice for working closely along side him. Every single one of them said the exact same thing,
"Do what you say you'll do."
Jay has taught me that nothing kills trust and respect quicker than being unreliable. Additionally, nothing kills a relationship quicker than a lack of trust and respect. Jay understands that building business and success will require building relationships. The best way to build both is doing what you say you'll do.
Successful people can be counted on to do everything they say they will. This has taught me to be more careful with how I speak, and it has made me more accountable in following through. I'm not perfect (this blog post is late..) but luckily Jay always does what he says he'll do- and he first and foremost promised to love and look out for me. Even when I come up short.
I bet that if I called you 'selfish' it wouldn't feel like a compliment.
We’re taught that there is virtue in selfLESSness. I'm going to go against the grain a little bit here and say, I really don't like the word 'selfless'. I don't like a word that broken into two parts, means LESS of self, or even without SELF. If I'm not living my life for myself, am I really living at all?
Selfishness for me means including ME, not EXCLUDING you.
"The virtue involved in helping those one loves is not 'selflessness' or 'sacrifice', but integrity". Ayn Rand
We have made being selfish bad. We have made selfish people wrong, undesirable, even evil. Let's redeem the concept of selfishness by reminding ourselves that being selfish is not evil. Pursuing and acting out of your own self interest is not bad. There is a fundamental difference between someone who pursues their self interest in say, starting a business versus someone who pursues it in robbing a bank. The 'selfish' pursuit of personal interest is not evil, bad, or wrong. The question is not in the pursuit of self interest, but in what one chooses to pursue. Not in valuing self interest, but in what one chooses to value. Selfishness does not corrupt us, we corrupt selfishness.
"The man who does not value himself cannot value anything or anyone." -Ayn Rand
What if we define "selfish" differently? What if all it is, is choosing to care enough about YOU to make sure that your needs and wants are met? I believe in choosing to be the driver in your own life. When we allow other people's wants, needs, and standards to drive and motivate our lives, we relinquish responsibility and by default expect other people to create happiness for us. We take ourselves out of choice. We become needy.
When we are needy, we act under the expectation that other people will have, do, and be things for you. Not only does this take you out of the driver's seat of your life, it disables your authenticity. A certain honesty comes with being selfish. Being selfish is the willingness to be all of you- no apologies. If you were really being all of you, what MORE would you be? How would YOU be more selfish?
I have found that the simplest way I am able to help other people, is by being more of myself. Being more of myself means getting selfish. Scratch that. It means getting self- full. This means being unapologetic about who we are, and what we want and need. It also means taking the time and effort to fill ourselves up with what is required for us to live full, happy, wholehearted individual lives. When we are more honest, more real, more upfront, and more clear, it becomes an invitation for others to get self- full so that they can do and be the same. When we put ourselves first we are not only more able, but far more willing to help those around us without resentment or outside pressure.
"To say 'I love you' one must first be able to say the 'I'." -Ayn Rand
We are conditioned to "lose ourselves" for the sake of others. I think there is a really important distinction that needs to be made here. Losing track of time or personal worry, even losing old perspectives and gaining new ones while doing things for others, is a wonderful part of life. However, no matter what I am doing, I never want to lose MYSELF. I never want to allow the 'virtue of selflessness' to be taken to such an extreme that I become anything less than everything I am.
Who are you? Start answering that question because I promise you, it is impossible to put yourself first if you don't know who YOU are. Jay Noland speaks simply and powerfully about this here,
My favorite people, are very selfish people in the best way possible. They have a power and independence that is both addicting and inviting. It inspires me to do, and be, and have more of MYSELF. What a gift.
Are you willing to cultivate selfullness?
We're mid way through January, typically known as the saddest month of the year. So, we decided to put together a list. Let's call them Focus and Fundamentals; 10 traits to acquire that will not only make you happier, they will make you indestructible (oh, and rich).
10. Be Patient
Patience is the cornerstone to having a good day, every day, no matter what. This means waiting to buy the new iPhone, keeping the Toyota for a few extra years before getting a Mercedes, and living in an unfinished basement with your best friend and her dog instead of getting the fancy downtown apartment. It also means being patient with the line at the bank, your little sister's husband, and most importantly- yourself.
9. Stay Focused
When you're focused, there is no reason to spend money on nonessentials. There's no reason to say unnecessary things, or do things that don't really matter. Everyone has their weakness whether it be sex, sports, gambling, or falling prey to Nike's marketing campaigns, buying every new running shoe that comes out. When you are focused you will be in a lot better shape.
8. Get Organized
Getting organized enables you to be more productive and assertive in your day. It allows you give time and energy where it is actually required.
7. Practice Self- Discipline
"Self- discipline is the willingness to practice giving up what you want now for what you want most. It is the ability to make a decision and see it through no matter what. It is the most crucial aspect to your success." -Jay Noland
6. Have Awareness
As we put our heads down and swim forward towards our goals, it is important to come up for air every once in a while. Look around. Are you swimming the right direction? Do you see a quicker route? Assess, adjust, then just keep swimming.
5. Allow Creativity
This is our chance to be fixed in purpose, but flexible in method. Our goals are what we set in stone, how we accomplish them requires some creativity on our part. There are times when we want something and don't necessarily know how we're going to get it. There's no wrongness in that. It allows us to use our creativity and say, "I don't know how this is going to happen, but I'm going to make sure it does!"
4. Stay Curious
"I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious." -Albert Einstein
The future belongs to the curious.
3. Take Risks
This requires the tiniest bit of bravery on your part. When you take risks, you'll need to trust yourself. The cool thing is, there's nothing that builds self- trust faster! Risk taking is strength building.
2. Write Goals
One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. His response was a question, "Where would you like to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
1. Work Hard. And Smart.
Our journey is not just about grit and grind. It is also about learning how accomplish things in an enjoyable and efficient way. Think of it this way; what would happen if you did 500 push- ups every single day? You might gain some muscle, you may even lose some fat. Or you could do 20 push-ups a day and add some cardio 3 times per week. That cardio, can be whatever you want it to be. Walking, swimming, jump- roping, playing on the playground with your kids, dancing in the kitchen, you name it. Not only will you enjoy the process of changing your body more, it will get you the results you desire in a fraction of the time.
We hope that as you continue to work towards your goals in this new year, you will be able to use this list to further your progress.
Like many of you, on the last day of 2016, Bailie and I thought back on the year. We focused on our highlights, our wins. What we noticed was that across the board, any time we accomplished something it was in large part due to the people we had around us. It was because we had our “clique”.
Before rushing to write resolutions for 2017, Bailie turned to me and asked, “who are the people who not only require your best, but give you theirs?”
The list wasn’t long but they were the people we needed close around us, the people who will ride or die with us and for us.
“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” -Jim Rohn
Have you ever realized that the Law of Averages applies to your success? The result of any situation (your success included) will be the average of ALL the outcomes (meaning the caliber of the members of your clique). We took intense and harsh inventory over the people we interacted with frequently.
It helped us realize that just like anything else, we must make assessments and adjustments within our relationships. If we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with, this means we are scored based on their scores. All I know is that if my success score is influenced by others’ success scores, and I have control over who influences my score, I’m going to make damn sure those people are scoring big.
We all know that to in order to increase a score, you have to increase your wins, which means decreasing your losses. Sometimes this means letting people go.
Whether we like it or not, when it comes to relationships we are greatly influenced by those closest to us. It affects our way of thinking, our self-esteem, and our decisions. You need people who raise your average and help you maintain a high one.
Often, I watch people striving to be the smartest person in the room on every issue. But if you're always the smartest person, aren’t you hurting yourself? I want to surround myself with people who can run circles around me in as many areas as possible, people who are exponentially better in a variety of ways because they can only raise my average.
Whether it is a team of 2 or a team of 6, it is crucial to have the right people around you. They can be made up of family, friends, a mentor, trainers and coaches, your work colleagues, even people you work out with. Bottom line, the people around you matter.
Your clique should be made up of people whose strengths support, compliment, and build upon each other. Above all, they need to be people who want to see you succeed. There are people in this world who will ride or die WITH you and who will ride or die FOR you. Not only do they have their sight set on the same kinds of things, they’ll ride through the dark of it, the thick of it, the worst if it, and make sure you come out on top too. Get those people close and keep them there. Be that person for someone else. If you can do that you'll be one of the few who can say, “ain’t nobody fresher than my clique”.
The magic in this is, we can cover for each other's deficits and create outlets for each other's strengths. That way when we look around we can say, “they don’t do it like my clique.”
In Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, he introduces the idea of creating a “Master- Mind Alliance”. He explains that this is a “friendly alliance of one or more persons who will encourage one to follow through with both plan and purpose.” These are the people that will bring out power, creativity, support, and inspiration at a level that you will never find if you try to go at it alone.
To take your own personal inventory, write down the five people you spend all your time with. Rate each person on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being the most positive influence possible), and then calculate your average. How does each person affect your average? They don’t need to be Elon Musk or the Dalai Lama, but they better be making you better. I want people who elevate both my thinking and my performance. Don’t you?
Next, list your top 5 people (anyone in the world, living or dead, fictional or real) and what attributes you’d hope to create in yourself and find in others .
One thing is for sure, Bailie and I found that with Jay, we are "ride or die" for each other and "ain't nobody fresher than our clique."
We want you to find people in your life that will allow you to say the same.
What things do you go to extreme lengths to make sure you have?
- The new iPhone?
- Concert tickets?
- Free food?
- Good seats at the game?
- Midnight movies?
- The latest trending book?
Interesting how we don't find ourselves waiting in line to learn, or to make money, or become better.
Here are some ideas if you don't know where to start;
Millionaire Entrepreneur Blueprint, January 2017 http://www.successbynetworking.com/blue.html
Canyon Ranch Yoga Retreat, multiple dates and locations, https://www.canyonranch.com/tucson/?utm_content=sw2YjPV0C-dc_pcrid_166520543228_pkw_%2Barizona%20%2Byoga%20%2Bretreat_pmt_b_&gclid=CL6NlMmWg9ECFQwPaQodJ1MHBg
Mastery of Self Expression Workshop, January 2017 http://www.themasteryworkshops.com/event/mastery-of-self-expression-montreal
Keep watching our page for future events!
Not many people think they can move mountains, so not many people do. What if it's just a choice? And what if all it takes to make that choice, is to think a little differently, a little BIGGER?
Jay Noland is a person who helps us realize that we aren't thinking BIG enough, fast enough.
Bailie and I had the pleasure of meeting several of Jay's closest friends this weekend in Dallas, one of whom was a man named Mike Amerman. The best part about our jobs is that we are learning something no matter where we are or what we're doing. At dinner one night during casual conversation, Mike started talking about the 5 tools in baseball (Jay and Mike both have extensive backgrounds in the sport). He explained that there are 5 areas a player focuses on in order to become stronger, better, faster.
The conversation that followed is what inspired this blog post. Matt Guccione, another one of Jay's closest friends started relating each of these tools to real life and the growth we experience as individuals. This got Bailie and I thinking. What if the way to become stronger, better, faster, is to think BIGGER, faster?
So, we came up with our own tools to do just that; 5 areas we can focus on to become stronger, better, faster- ways to think BIGGER, faster.
I recently read a story about Henry Ford. He talked about being totally uninterested in miscellaneous information.
"What I want around me are people who can solve problems, who can think up ideas."
What he meant was, that the ability to know how to get information is far more valuable than using your mind as a fact garage. He went on to say,
"An idea man can make me money, a fact man can't."
Our ability to think is more important and impressive than our ability to memorize facts. For some reason, we underestimate our own knowledge and overestimate the knowledge of others. We hear over and over that "knowledge is power" but I know a lot of super- smartie- pants people who aren't achieving much at all. Here's why; knowledge is only potential power.
What really matters is not how much knowledge you have, but how you use what you have. Our attitudes and beliefs are the active, moving power behind our knowledge. Knowledge is only power when we put it to use in a positive way. As Jay would say, "the bigger the thinker, the smaller the excuses." Let's choose to be more concerned with attitudes than facts. When we fix how we think, the rest takes care of itself. The best part is, no one is too young, too old, too sick, too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too broke- to think.
There is nothing in this world that can take the place of persistence. Not talent, not genius, not education. Though it is something that may seem to come more naturally to some than others it is still a learned trait. I believe, that most often, it is a choice.
There is a famous story about Thomas Edison who tried and failed 9,999 times. When asked about it he replied, "I didn't fail. I just discovered 9,999 ways to not invent the electric lightbulb." What if we were to apply this to learning a language or making money?
"I didn't fail. I just discovered 9,999 ways to not make more money."
"I didn't fail. I just discovered 9,999 ways to not speak French."
When we develop the habit of persistence we enjoy insurance against failure. All "no" means is, "NEXT!"
"Persistence is the twin sister of excellence." -Habeeb Akhande
Like persistence, confidence is developed. We tend to think that it is elusive-- that some people have it and others don't. It doesn't work like that. I'm going to ask that you start thinking about confidence in terms of entitlement. When we feel entitled something, it is because we believe that we deserve it. Confidence isn't the hard part- the hard part is making sure you deserve it.
“Success listens to me. I don’t know why, other than I deserve it.” -Jay Noland
So, how do we make sure we deserve it?
Hard work, and a little bit of bravery. And it starts with being brave enough to work on yourself every single day. Confidence alone may not bring success, but it gives you the power to face any challenge. Feed your mind the good stuff. Building confidence is like building muscles. What if we spent twice as much time on our mind's diet and exercise routine? Our confidence is affected primarily by what we feed our brains. We must be as conscious about what we put in our minds as we are with what we put in our mouths.
"Confident people tell themselves they can do something and then do it." -Jay Noland
It seems counter intuitive that a person with an extremely disciplined life would have more freedom. When I asked Jay about this he stated simply, "I have freedom because I have discipline." I started paying closer attention to this. It was one of the most important discoveries of my life.
- He has financial freedom because he has financial discipline.
- He has spiritual freedom because he has spiritual discipline.
- He has emotional freedom because he has emotional discipline.
"Self discipline is a form of freedom. Freedom from laziness and lethargy, freedom from the expectations and demands of others, freedom from weakness and fear-- and doubt. Self discipline allows a person to feel their individuality, their inner strength, their talent. You become a master of, rather than a slave to your thoughts and emotions." -Vince Lombardi
Discipline allows a person to take control of their life. It is a pathway to creativity and the most important variable in behavior change. It is forcing yourself to behave differently than you sometimes feel.
Jay calls this "energy" and at dinner that night Matt called it "presence"-- Bailie and I decided to call it "swag". Even though we are all calling it something different, we are talking about the same thing. It is what you as an individual bring to this world. It's what you carry into every room you enter, and it's what you leave with people after you go home.
When we say the word, "swag" we are talking about more than a cool pair of sunglasses and a diamond grill. These are people who are at total ease with themselves.
The ability to be unapologetically yourself and owning who you are, makes all the difference in how you interact with the world. It influences how you dress, how you act in social situations, which social events you choose to attend, how you speak to others, and even how you spend your time.
People who are the best examples of this are not free from mistakes or difficult experiences. However, the darker parts of their story were never allowed to mask their identity. How often do we carry our baggage with us, allowing it to weigh us down throughout our entire journey instead of checking it to our final destination? Sure, my divorce is a part of my story, I own it, but I certainly don't have to carry it with me.
I think it takes a person who thinks pretty big to say, "I'm going to like myself, I'm going to be proud of myself, and I'm going to do my thing and not care if you like it." Thats the kind of energy I want to carry. That's the kind of presence I want to have. That's swag.
"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." -Friedrich Nietzsche
By applying these 5 tools we will immediately start thinking bigger, faster. I think we'll also find that, those who believe they can move mountains, do.
When writing this blog the topics are never forced. We feel strongly about everything being as authentic as possible. Similar to last week, I had half a post written, then late one night after filming in the studio this week, Bailie and I stuck around to answer a few of the most common questions that have been flooding into our inboxes since we started working with Jay. After watching it back, we thought it would be fun to share with all of you.
We are so grateful for everything we are learning from Jay on a daily basis. We know you are too and we want to hear back from you! Please share your favorite "Jay lesson" in the comments below.
"The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn is a skill, the willingness to learn is a choice." Brain Herbert
What are you choosing?
In Jay's last live video feed "The Power of a Woman" he reminds us all that without women, everything in this world stops. "Women are life givers" he says. And he isn't just talking about giving birth. Women literally breath life into everything they do and it is because of their innate ability to connect to the world around them and lead with their hearts.
Jay not only recognizes women as a literal secret weapon, but specifically seeks them out to build and fortify, to train and inspire. Bailie and I are lucky enough to have been sought out, and even luckier to stand by Jay's side as he continues to rally women, ensuring they realize the incredible power they carry.
This week, I had an entirely different blog topic planned (and half written). After watching Jay's live video post (link provided below) I knew it was time to change direction. It was incredible to see the response from so many women who loved and needed his message. We know from personal experience that he certainly has an innate ability to connect with and encourage women, as he teaches them to build confidence and access their own personal power. We wanted to share more of what we have learned from him and how he has helped us grow as women.
When we first started working with Jay, I remember him talking about confidence and how far more often than men, women experience such a great lack of confidence that they fail to do and become all they are truly capable of. One of my most treasured memories is Jay looking me in the eyes and saying, "Brittney, I see the power in you. Look at who you are. Look how you shine." That's when I knew I'd give my life to work alongside a person like that. That's why I listen to every word that man says. Because he sees the power in people, and reminds them that it's there.
Jay has so much knowledge to share (luckily some of it comes from books that Bailie and I can read on our own time so he can get a break from all of our questions). He gave us a copy of his favorite book, Think and Grow Rich and told us to study it. While reading the other night Bailie and I came to Napoleon Hill's list of the top "major causes of failure". We handpicked the four that we feel we struggle with most as women. Being more aware of these things and addressing them in our personal lives has helped us gain focus which has allowed for unparalleled confidence.
1.) Lack of well defined purpose/ lack of self discipline
"Before you can control conditions, you must first control yourself." - Napoleon Hill
The times when we have felt most insecure are when we are lacking discipline and direction. What we have learned from Jay is that working discipline is like working a muscle. It requires persistence and self- motivation. Even though it is often tiring, we have also learned that the practice of self-discipline helps to give and find purpose.
2.) Basic fears
"You must overcome any fears that may hold you back from taking action to achieve a goal." -Napoleon Hill
As women, Bailie and I have identified top fears we face in our day to day lives.
- fear of other people's opinions
- fear of rejection
- fear of never being enough
These fears not only apply to our professional lives, but play a huge role in our personal relationships. Especially with men. You don't dance in front of him because you're afraid of what he'll think, you don't express how you really feel, in case he doesn't feel the same way, and eventually you stop taking risks in any part of life because at some point you allowed a man's actions and opinions to define your worth. We have watched how Jay treats and interacts with women. He has taught us is that until you have learned to view and value yourself correctly, what other people say and do is just noise.
3.) Over caution
"The person who takes no chances generally has to take whatever is left."
We hesitate to do things we really want to do for a lot of little reasons. None of them are very good. As women, I think we stop ourselves because somewhere along the line our culture has suppressed us with, "how dare she?", "how dare she think she can?", "how dare she be so great?". Growing up, Bailie and I were blessed enough to come from pretty well to do families. Our dads built, owned, and ran successful businesses. It is normal for a middle aged man to make good money. But how dare we, 26 year old girls feel that we can do the same right now. How often have you allowed the culture of, "how dare she" stop you from pursuing what is really in your heart? Have you allowed caution prescribed by someone or something else be your roadblock to success?
"The most damaging forms of intemperance are connected with eating, strong drink, and sexual activities. Over indulgence in any of these is fatal to success." - Napoleon Hill
As women it is easy to lack restraint and throw moderation to the wind, specifically with the things that help us escape. We all know what it feels like to eat for comfort (none of us are reaching for celery when shit gets real). And I know I'm not the only one who's had a glass of wine before noon on a Monday. As women we also allow men to take the fall for over-indulging in sex. I'm not sure that's completely fair. I want to get a little deeper into this and talk about the reasons why men have sex versus why we as women have sex. Of course this is not an absolute, but when it comes to sexual overindulgence, men are having sex to get off, women are having sex to gain validation. Which means, we are over indulging in external validation. You tell me how fast we'll fail if we allow that to be something we depend upon.
This stuff is real. We all deal with it. The cool thing is, we all deal with it. Something that makes me proud to be a woman, is that collectively, we are all willing to be aware of what can hold us back, address those things, and do what is necessary to overcome them. We have a special gift and ability to lower our walls and soften ourselves so that personal, internal work can be done.
Honestly, Jay has pushed me to my limits. He has asked me to be vulnerable as I address my most intimate insecurities. More than anything, he has always required my very best. Because of this, I have grown more as a woman in the past 4 months than I ever thought possible. I have began to conquer myself in ways I never knew I was capable of.